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[Tim's Dodgers]

A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was
determined to prove wrong the saying, "You can't take it with you."

After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance-chaser finally
figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he
died. He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money
to fill two pillow cases. He then directed her to take the bags of money
to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. His plan: When he
passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven.

Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer's wife, up in the
attic cleaning, came upon the two forgotten pillow cases stuffed with
cash.

"Oh, that darned old fool," she exclaimed. "I knew he should have had me
put the money in the basement."


Tim...

"People who make Confucius Joke speak bad English." - Confucius
_________________

Christmas Eve '01 (AcA) (2nd)
Tim's Dodgers (AcA) (3rd)
The Keys (AcA) (4th)

[Geezer]

lol!

Here's one i thought was quite funny:

There was this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK for you." and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush.

At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets *VERY* quiet. At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.

The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."

The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot. Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"